Remembering

Disclaimer- Eleven years ago my brother died. This anniversary is always really hard for me, this year being no exception. The following is a letter I've 'written' to him and I fully understand if you want to hit your browsers back button now.

Dear Eric,
Today marks eleven years since you have been gone. Everyone tells me that time is supposed to make this easier, but everyone is wrong. I still miss you so much. I still cry myself to sleep thinking about you and all that you have missed out on. My heart still breaks for our parents, Nikki, Jason, Wes and everyone that knew and loved you. I still catch myself wondering what you would think about different things such as the nieces you've never met and how you would handle being the father of a teenager now. Yes, a teenager! Can you believe it? 
I still have flashbacks to that night, hearing the news, seeing the ambulances everywhere (that could do no good). I still think about the next day when I went with our parents to tell your sweet little six year old that she would never see you again. Holding her, telling her everything would be okay knowing full well that things would never be okay again.
I still wonder what if I had called ten minutes earlier that night. Would you have answered the phone and laughed with me about my day? Would you have told me you needed to talk to me about something? Would we have made plans for Christmas, your upcoming birthday, the coming weekend? Would you still be here?
Most of all I just wish that you were here so I could hug you and tell you that I love. Tell you that you what a great brother, son and father you were. 
I think about all the good times too. Like the time you got a pony for Christmas and rode it into the house. I think about your first haircut. I was so upset that all your little red curls were gone that I cried because you then looked like a boy. The time you broke the coffee table with your head imitating something you saw on television (I always said you were hardheaded!). Your imaginary friend 'Little Eric', the way  you could never pronounce your th's and three always sounded like tree. I think about the last time I saw you, when I just got back from my honeymoon. I gave you a souvenir and  you were so touched that I thought about you while I was gone and couldn't believe I would bring you something back. You were always so giving and loving, never asked for anything or expected anything from anyone. 
I just love you and miss you so much Eric. 
Until we meet again,
Your big sis