Open Letter Friday

Being the dork I am I often compose little letters in my head to companies, annoying people, etc. I thought I would start sharing them with you guys (I know, I know you're thrilled right?) on Fridays. If you would like to add  yours you are more than welcome to either include it in the comment section or if I can ever remember how to do the McLinky thing then I'll include a link up at the bottom of the post. Happy Friday!

Dear Employer (a.k.a my children),
This letter is to let you know that I am putting you on notice. If serious changes are not made within the workplace (a.k.a home) soon then I shall be forced to tender my resignation. As I'm sure you have no clue what I am referring to I thought I would outline it for you.

1. Food- My days of playing short order cook are over. If you don't like what I make for dinner then you can either make a sandwich or go hungry. Also, there are at least ten boxes of cereal in the pantry that  you are more than welcome to help yourself to. No, snack cakes do not count as dinner.
2. Homework- My school days ended more years ago than I care to remember. That means that I've already done all of my homework and I will not be doing yours. If you wait until the last minute to do a project, well my friend you are on your own. Harsh? Maybe, but I refuse to be yelled at by my own children because I "don't know what I'm doing".
3. Referee Services-  As entertaining as it is to listen to you tattle on each other from the time you wake up until you go to bed at night I'm afraid I can no longer do provide this service. The wall in my bedroom has a huge dent in it from beating my head against it and I'm afraid if I do it much longer then I will end up putting a hole in it. 
4.  Cleaning- Contrary to popular belief we do not have a self cleaning house. Crazy isn't it? If you cannot pick up after yourselves then your weekly allowance will be going into my bank, not yours. 

I have spoken to my union representative (a.k.a. dad) and he believes that these changes are quite reasonable and should go into effect immediately. Looking forward to a new and improved workplace!
Sincerely,
Mom