Dear Political Candidate,
Apparently next Tuesday there is an election going on. I know this because lately I have been bombarded by phone calls from candidates like yourself that are hungry for my vote. Being the nice person I am I thought I would point out a few things to you that might help you in your run for office.
- Do not call my house first thing in the morning, late at night, or dinnertime. As a matter of fact I would appreciate it very much if you just skipped the phone calls all together.
- If you absolutely must call me then please have an actual person at your end of the phone. There is nothing more annoying than picking up the phone (or in my case letting the answering machine get it) and have a prerecorded message yelling at me all the reasons I should vote for you.
- Be honest. I know, I know politicians and honesty are like this huge oxymoron, but I would be way more likely to vote for the person that admits "Yep, I inhaled and it was awesome" or "Of course I slept with her!" rather than someone than someone that thinks that I'm stupid enough to believe otherwise.
- Save the nicknames for when you're with friends and family. Seriously. Locally we have had a Twinkle, a Buzz, and a Scooter running for different offices. For some reason I just can't take any of those people seriously. That being said I'm thinking very hard about voting for Young Boozer for state treasurer. The joke potential with a name like that is just too sweet to resist. Plus it's not even nickname, it's his real name!
A. Disgruntled Voter